June 24, 2019 at 8:59 am #6089
Things seem to have gone very quiet on this forum so I thought I’d post a poem for comments to see if I could get it going again. It seems to me that if there’s a community of writers such as this and we don’t contribute to each other’s development, that’s a wasted opportunity.June 24, 2019 at 9:00 am #6090
Here’s the poem
…a long and happy retirment…
He sits in a quiet corner
of the pub, hunched over
a glass he’s almost drained.
His spine bows with the weight
of the hump on his back
that rises up like the remnants
of clipped wings.
He wears the same jacket
he wore to work,
but it hangs so loosely now,
two sizes too big
for his spare frame,
as though he’s slowly
deflating like those helium
dreams that floated him home
on the day he retired.
He does not speak:
thoughts that used to fly
so readily, after a tot or two,
remain caged and covered up,
for words that kept the key
have upped and gone,
ignoring all attempts
to make them stay;
leaving him with just
the company of silence,
broken by the pulse’s beat
counting down the seconds
till he hears the call of ‘Time!’
Any comments received happily…June 24, 2019 at 9:34 am #6091Genya JohnsonParticipant
Nigel, this poem moved me deeply. Since retiring two years ago I have stopped talking and my confidence has spiralled. I felt every word of your beautiful heartfelt poem. Thank you for posting this.June 24, 2019 at 3:33 pm #6092
First, Genya, thanks for taking the time to comment. Though I’m pleased to hear that the poem spoke to you, I am so sorry to hear the effect that retirement has had on you. I hope the poem shows you’re not alone. I don’t think any phase of life is easy and there’s a danger of looking at retirement through rose-tinted spectacles when one is still of working age. It has its challenges as every day I find out!
I would love to read a poem of yours.
Thanks again for commenting; writing is such an insular process!
Nigel.June 25, 2019 at 1:46 am #6104Jt SmithKeymaster
i can only imagine how retirement has affected the synapses. 2 of my co-workers have moved onward into their silver years. i often wonder why certain people ceasing living and dreaming in these crucial age. your poem is definitely heartfelt and sudden. there is a sense of melancholy to this verse and uncertainty of what lies ahead. continue to grace us with your nuggets of wisdom. i am sorry that the forum has dried up. i have noticed a shift myself. maybe in the future there will be more interaction and less apathy.
JtJune 25, 2019 at 8:14 am #6105
Thanks Jt for taking the time to comment. It’s pleasing to see you connected with both the ideas and the modd of my poem.
Let’s hope that more members join the discussion and post their work upon this forum.
Thanks again and have a good day,
Nigel.June 26, 2019 at 3:29 pm #6121Darren J BeaneyParticipant
Lovely poem, I guess that there are a lot of lonely folk out there who just watch their days tick away with nothing to look forward to.
I really like the short line length, moving quickly to the next lines adds to the sense of time just slipping away, unfulfilled.
I particularly like the lines –
that rises up like the remnants of clipped wings.
I also like the look of the poem on the page.
I hope that is constructive, even if it is short and to the point.
DarrenJune 28, 2019 at 3:36 pm #6152
Apologies for not replying earlier; we’ve been away so it was lovely to see another response on our return. It’s a wonderful feeling when you have a response from a reader who gets your poem and you certainly got it!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.